Thursday, April 9, 2009

I swear, the oatmeal creme pie was calling my name.

Ok, so I have a huge lack of motivation and have been eating like crap lately. (This is so NOT cool, I am supposed to be training for a 5k?!?!!)

I blame it on the fact that I am like 99% sure I should be starting my period this weekend and also a little on depression.

I know for a fact I am at least 10 days past ovulation today. I actually took my temp this morning when I woke up, just out of curiosity and it was pretty low. I also tested and got a BFN (big fat negative). I know that people say it's not over until Aunt Flow shows but I know my body. And she is coming.

It was a rough morning. I started to cry sporadically a couple times, out of nowhere. In front of a someone at one point too and dang that is embarrassing. It's like hello, emotional meltdown anyone? It sucks because every month I think it will be different and I will able to handle being let down if need be, and every month I continue to prove myself wrong.
Why is this so damn hard? Trying to conceive has sucked a lot of happiness and joy out of my life the past four months and dammit I want it back. Sex is supposed to be fun.

Well our Managing Partner's Assistant emailed everyone earlier to let us know that we get to leave the office early tomorrow at 3 pm. I was like sweet, best news I've heard all day. Also, I'm getting my hair done Saturday morning. And I'm actually going to a salon. I am super excited, I haven't done this in forever. I am tired of having my friend do it at her apartment, yes it is cheap, but not always convenient. I am looking forward to the start of my weekend (minus my period).

2 comments:

Jessica Loves Trevor said...

I'm sorry, hun. It really never gets easier. You just get more used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Ang said...

feeling sad with you.
eating 'like crap' as well :)
praying.

wish i could do more.
much love~