Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Deep Breaths

....are NOT working today.
I am stressed out. There, I am finally admitting it, no more denial. I can't even pin-point an exact reason why.
I think it comes down to the fact that I am just thinking about way too much and it's all swirling around in my head and because of it I am totally getting anxious all the time and it's officially starting to really drive me crazy.
The sad thing is that there really isn't anything big that is going on. I am currently studying (or I should really say trying to study) for my Life, Accident, and Health License which I am taking a three day class for over the weekend. Yeah, I mean, I am not looking forward to it whatsoever, but that doesn't mean that I have to be all stressed about it? It's not like I even have the exam scheduled yet so what the eff? It sucks though because I'm so distracted with all of the other stuff going through my mind constantly that it has been really hard for me to focus. Work has not been busy hardly at all, so I can't complain about things there.
But then there is this whole TTC thing. It is consuming my mind. I am either always thinking about when I will get pregnant, what will happen when I do, what it will be like, or how long is this going to take? What if there is something wrong with Chris and I and we just don't know about it yet, how would we handle it? I wonder if I am going to start my period, I wonder what my temp is going to be the next morning?
The worst part is that I am sleeping like shit. If you know me well, this is typically NOT a problem for me, I LOVE to sleep and can pretty much sleep anytime, anywhere. But alas, I am having problems falling asleep, I keep waking up throughout the night....and it fricken blows.
Because then the morning comes, and not only am I continually feeling depressed by this nasty Michigan weather, but I am anxious and sleep-deprived therefore leaving me to feel like a cranky b**ch for the rest of the day. Not to mention that this whole anxiety thing just feels like someone is sitting on my chest and I can't catch my breath and I am STUCK. AT. MY. DESK and can't move because I have to answer the phone, because well, that is my job.

I cannot wait to get out of here and go work out tonight. That is the only thing I can think of that is going to help me release all of this at this point, besides praying.


Nlvaden said...

Just relax! Easier said than done.

Anne said...

I wish I could. I got out of the office for lunch and that helped a lot actually.

Patrick and Megan said...

tell us how you really feel ;)

are you feeling better today?

Anne said...

It's amazing how hormones can make you feel, haha