Anne Shirley.

Plain, old, unromantic Anne Shirley.

I am watching Anne of Green Gables. I love this movie, I have watched it since I was little. My family got the series for me for my Birthday. It is such a great classic, I really recommend it.

Well, once again, Cycle 2 was a bust.
I spotted a little last night and had some bad cramps, so I knew it was coming, and then this morning I started my period. Big surprise.
What is frustrating is that my cycle this month was only 24 days. I am just not used to this, and it bothers me that my luteal phase was only 11 days long.
It is just sinking in more and more that for some reason maybe we are just not meant to have a baby this year. And honestly the more I think about it, I am fine with this.
The part that I am not fine with is the fact that I still do not know if we can even conceive, because I have never gotten pregnant.
If I only knew that Chris and I were both completely healthy and fine and able to conceive, my mind would so much more at ease.
And I guess that is where Faith and Hope come in.

Deep Breaths

....are NOT working today.
I am stressed out. There, I am finally admitting it, no more denial. I can't even pin-point an exact reason why.
I think it comes down to the fact that I am just thinking about way too much and it's all swirling around in my head and because of it I am totally getting anxious all the time and it's officially starting to really drive me crazy.
The sad thing is that there really isn't anything big that is going on. I am currently studying (or I should really say trying to study) for my Life, Accident, and Health License which I am taking a three day class for over the weekend. Yeah, I mean, I am not looking forward to it whatsoever, but that doesn't mean that I have to be all stressed about it? It's not like I even have the exam scheduled yet so what the eff? It sucks though because I'm so distracted with all of the other stuff going through my mind constantly that it has been really hard for me to focus. Work has not been busy hardly at all, so I can't complain about things there.
But then there is this whole TTC thing. It is consuming my mind. I am either always thinking about when I will get pregnant, what will happen when I do, what it will be like, or how long is this going to take? What if there is something wrong with Chris and I and we just don't know about it yet, how would we handle it? I wonder if I am going to start my period, I wonder what my temp is going to be the next morning?
The worst part is that I am sleeping like shit. If you know me well, this is typically NOT a problem for me, I LOVE to sleep and can pretty much sleep anytime, anywhere. But alas, I am having problems falling asleep, I keep waking up throughout the night....and it fricken blows.
Because then the morning comes, and not only am I continually feeling depressed by this nasty Michigan weather, but I am anxious and sleep-deprived therefore leaving me to feel like a cranky b**ch for the rest of the day. Not to mention that this whole anxiety thing just feels like someone is sitting on my chest and I can't catch my breath and I am STUCK. AT. MY. DESK and can't move because I have to answer the phone, because well, that is my job.

I cannot wait to get out of here and go work out tonight. That is the only thing I can think of that is going to help me release all of this at this point, besides praying.

Well this isn't confusing or anything...

I don't know what the heck to make of this roller coaster of craziness.

All I know is that I am not feeling well today, and it stinks. I want to go curl up in bed. I do not want to get sick, I haven't been in so long *knocks on wood*.....I just need to make it through the day.

Awesome Birthday Present

So one thing that I really really wanted for my Birthday was a Heart Rate Monitor, and preferably one that also told how many calories you burned when you were done working out. Low and behold my in-laws got me this:
It is sweet! I have only used it a couple times so far, but I really like it. You can set it so that it knows that you want to be within a certain range, and if you are either below or over the range it beeps at you. There is function when you are done to not only see the calories burned, but to see how far you went/worked out for, and how long. Not only that but it has some sort of special sensor that blocks out other heart rate monitors from interfering with yours, therefore no getting a mixed signal from someone else.
This will be great when I get pregnant eventually because I really want to stay active, but I guess you aren't supposed to let your HR get over 12o bpm. Which let me tell, is VERY easy to do. Basically that is brisk walk. I guess once that happens all I'll really be doing is walking Niles alot and doing yoga. Which I am totally content with.

Yay!

Ok, so I finally O'd on Monday. I only say finally because I really for sure thought that it was going to happen either Saturday or Sunday. Especially since I got that faint line on my OPK friday night, and then the for sure positive on Saturday morning. So when I still didn't have a temp rise on Monday morning I was like ok...it HAS to be today! And sure enough, it was. And sure enough, my temps have been rising since. Here is my chart as of this morning:


I am only 3 DPO, so I have atleast a week and half to go until I would start my period and I'm officially in the "two week wait". I hope it goes by quick. What sucks is that next weekend I have this three day long class on Friday, Saturday and Sunday...and I am trying not to get stressed about it. Either I'm going to be really happy during the class because I am pregnant, or super frustrated because my period came and I'm wasting my entire weekend. That will be technically like working for 12 days straight without a day off. Sucky.

I have been having cramps periodically, sometimes full on to the point of like it feels like I'm going to start my period. Also some dull aches around by where my ovaries are. The one thing that I have really been noticing though that I cannot avoid is that I feel super bloated. It's ridiculous. I feel and look like I've gained like 10 lbs, haha. I am trying not to read too much into these things though, for all I know it's completely normal and I never really noticed it before. There is no way that it is in my head though, it's definitely happening.

I'm trying to decide if I want to keep charting for the next 12 days or not. Part of me wants to just quit and let it go, and if I start my period then I start my period and if I don't, then fabulous. I will be surprised. It's too hard because every day you over analyze every single temp and it almost makes the whole thing harder. On the other hand I am curious to see if it goes up some more and comes down again or what. Also it would be kind of nice to get a feel for around what day my temps usually drop.

I really want to not chart. That way, I'm not thinking about it, and whatever happens next week will happen. I just don't know if I can stop myself. I am way too damn curious.

Great Week

Ok, so I am officially 24. And this week has been amazing.
I got a positive OPK this morning, which I always get incredibly excited when I see those two pink lines!! I also took a test last night just out of curiosity. I know that my urine was quite diluted...but there was a faint line. I am not sure whether to count that or not. But either way the hubbs and I have been doing the baby dance about every other day so it's all good and hopefully something good is happening down there as we speak!! No temp. spike yet so hopefully I will see that tomorrow morning. As for right now, I am once again over analyzing every little twinge and pain down in my ute. I swear I have been experiencing some ovulation pain this morning. Anyways, I really just want to chill out and relax today, unfortunately I am quite anxious. I have been on and off for like two days, I keep trying to stay calm but some reason it's been hard, it is driving me crazy!! Well my in-laws are coming over soon, we are going to celebrate my Birthday tonight. I have tons of stuff to do, I need to get the house tidey-ed up and get ready yet...hopefully once I get some stuff done I will feel better. Ok well, for right now I am just praying that a little miracle is occuring.
**Please Lord, let me body cooperate. God you know our desires. Please bless us with a miracle. We love you.**

Adios Aunt Flo

And now it's time for:
"Operation Make a Baby: Part 2"

It's going to be a good week, I can feel it.

Thursday I turn the big TWO-FOUR.
Crimeny, where did the past 4 and 1/2 years go? I can't believe Chris and I have been together for going on 5 years, that is crazy, and I loooove it.
We have plans that night, Friday night and Saturday. It's going to be a 3 day long Birthday fiesta.

Plus, I should ovulate this weekend.
That's right people, we got some big plans. It's called fertilization.
*bows her head to pray* Please Lord let this be the month! Please bless us with a babe!